“I just can’t afford a doula”
At the time of writing this, March 2023; it’s snowing outside, the cost of everyday essentials, fuel and energy is rising faster than the average household income. There’s a queue outside our local food bank and childcare costs are the same as a mortgage.
However, many expecting parents still don’t think twice about buying a cot, having a gender reveal party or baby shower before a baby arrives. Truth is, all your baby really needs is you; warmth, security and milk- you have it all. I’m not judging or telling you not to celebrate those amazing life changing moments, or embrace the excitement of having a baby by buying all the baby gear you think you need, but I will say that if you need to budget, spend your money wisely; prioritise yourself.
A well supported mother in the fourth trimester is someone who is rested, nourished, listened to, validated and looked after. They’re calmer and in control because they are able to feed and care for their baby in the way they want to. They don’t carry the stress and burden of their usual responsibilities. The result? Better physical recovery, an informed parent able to make good decisions, higher success rate of established breastfeeding and a strong connection with their baby. They generally experience lower odds of postnatal depression and better mental health.
If you’re desperately needing some doula support but can’t afford it here’s some things you can do:
Write down what’s making you feel you need some help; overloaded with laundry, no time to do activities you enjoy, hunger/eating a poor diet, lack of sleep, life admin, caring for older children or elderly relative. Seeing it on paper can help you realise your priorities.
Speak to a doula and ask how a session can be used most efficiently for you;
batch cooking and preparing meals to keep you going for a while,
getting you set up effectively with online shopping,
caring for your baby so you can get some restorative sleep.
Some doulas may be able to offer a shorter visit in exchange for a regular commitment. If it’s a listening ear or someone to validate how you feel a short weekly video call may be all you need. Many doula’s work around their own family commitments so can offer the odd hour here and there.
Doula’s are pretty awesome at signposting; if you’re struggling with breastfeeding or infant sleep, they can direct you to helpful, evidence-based information.
Prioritise your spending, prioritise yourself. Consider a secondhand pushchair, ask friends with children if they kept any items you could borrow, buy a cot if and when you need one, BASIS recommend a baby doesn’t sleep in a room alone until six months [Source] it may be by that time you find they prefer to share your bed and a cot has just become an oversized nursery ornament.
Alternatively speak to your GP and ask for a referral and you may be able to access support from Home Start.
Sometimes just asking for help is enough, speaking to a doula may help you realise you do have enough support around you, but you haven’t been able to voice what you need. Ask a family member or friend to drop a meal round or ask another parent in the school run to drop an older sibling to school once a week. Maybe even talking to your partner to explain what you’re feeling difficult, you could arrange care shifts so one of you is able to sleep 7pm-1am and the other 1am-7am. Little changes can make a big difference to how you feel.
The Doula Access Fund provides free support during pregnancy, labour and after the birth of a baby to those experiencing disadvantage and financial hardship.
Flowers are lovely but another thing for you to care for. Cute baby clothes only fit for 2-3 months. Being surrounded by toys and books can add to the feeling of being overstimulated. Suggest to relatives, friends and colleagues to get you a gift card instead of gifts with a limited life.
Most doulas are part of a wider network, speaking to one might help you be introduced to another doula who is more local to you, can better meet your needs or is more affordable.
Contact me, see if there’s a way I can help. Some clients like to say thank you in the forms of gifts or extra money, if I can pass this forward by offering you a discounted hourly rate, I will.
Read Help with hiring a Doula on Doula UK
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Sarah
07739324266
